The Day Time Stood Still

Wow, I can't believe it's been over 6.5 months since our Lily girl was born. Of course, I wanted to blog about our birth experience right away, but as I have come to find out with MANY other experiences, my way just wasn't happening.

So, here is my blurred recollection of the events leading up to the amazing birth of Liliana Grace Caver.

This was taken Monday, January 19, 2015, just two days before Lily made her very late, yet grand entrance. Our precious girl was born at 41 weeks and 5 days. We narrowly and thankfully avoided an induction scheduled for 5 am Friday, January 23rd. I was in a panic. The little angel hidden behind that huge bump would not come out. I was eating pineapples and spicy foods for weeks, constantly walking/waddling in the freezing temperatures, doing yoga, praying, hoping and wishing this girl would just be born, like she was supposed to. (Little did I know, she would be doing her own thing from day one!) Lily made us wait, and that was ok. I would say I had a pretty easy pregnancy. Pregnancy isn't exactly comfortable, especially at the end and then overdue with a larger babe, but I was blessed. Luckily, my mom flew in over the weekend before Lily was born to be with me. I can still remember the literal burden being lifted off my shoulders when she pulled up to our driveway. We had tons of fun before Lily was born. Hanging out, shopping, walking, of course, getting over priced and sub-par Bolivar eyebrow waxes, and laughing. Which brings us to the good stuff.

I never felt Braxton Hicks contraction, and until the day Lily was born, I didn't feel a single regular contraction, either. My mom, Josh, and I watched Guardians of the Galaxy on Tuesday afternoon and I ate spicy general chicken from Oseyo. I'm convinced the combination of general chicken and lots of laughing at Family Feud put me into labor. At 6:30 pm on Tuesday, while watching FF with my mom, my belly stated feeling weird, but I was sure that couldn't be contractions. They were, but I assumed it was gas or some other glamorous pregnancy feeling. I couldn't sleep well that night, and finally went out to the living room at 5 am Wednesday morning to give Josh one last night of good sleep. ;) My light sleeper momma came out around 5:30 and we determined I was in labor! YAY!!!! The pain was easily managed at this point, and I figured I would be able to stay home for hours and achieve the unmedicated birth I planned on. 

Part of that was true. As labor goes, the pain became more intense as time went on. By 11:30 I tried everything to relax, warm lavender shower, breathing, yoga ball, resting... I was done. So, I ate a delish egg taco, homemade by Mom, showered, changed and before I could get to the car, I threw up everywhere. I'm pretty sure I got some on my shirt, but that was the least of my worries by then. Our hospital bags were packed for weeks before Lily actually wanted to be born, so we were ready to fly. At this point, I was having consistent contracts lasting about 1-2 minutes ever 2-3 minutes. OUCH. We arrived at the hospital around 11:30 am. For some reason, that time sticks in my mind. I got the new nurse, so she wasn't entirely confident, and that bothered me at first. I believe I was dilated to a 4 once we got to the hospital, but my water had not broken. I was in so much pain, but still terrified of the epidural, so after I got my IV and was checked way too many times (yay) I opted for some morphine. WRONG choice. It made me sooooooooo loopy and tired, yet I was still in horrible pain, and aware of my contractions, yet I could hardly keep my head up. Such a confusing experience! Thankfully, that wears off quickly.The doctor ended up breaking my water, which was so easy, I probably could have jumped at it would've broken on it's own! I believe I received an epidural somewhere around 1-1:30 pm. My nurse put me on my left side immediately after getting the epi, so the medication only took on my left side. I could feel everything on my right side.... 

By this time, my Lily girl wasn't making enough "variances," meaning she was pretty chill in the womb and wasn't reacting to contractions. This worried the doctor and nurses because babies are "supposed to" react when contractions strike. Lily did, just not much. I was given Ephedrine, don't quote me there, to make Lily's heart rate increase. It didn't work. I had not been checked in since the first time, which took several attempts and two nurses, so I assumed I wasn't progressing and sent poor, hungry Josh to get something to eat. One of the nurses came in and told me if the baby continues the way she was, they would need to put a needle in her head to monitor her more accurately and make sure all was well. Of course, I flipped out. Luckily, I wasn't alone, but Josh was gone all of 15 minutes before Mom was calling and telling him to get back. I was on the verge of assault because the nursing staff was pretty horrible. To me, at least. I've thank my Heavenly Father multiple times for allowing my sweet momma to be there with me through all of this. Shortly before the old lady nurse accosted me, something changed. I could feel contractions on my right side the whole time, but it was somewhat manageable.... Until then. I knew something was wrong with the epidural, so the anesthesiologist came back to fix it, which didn't happen. I could barely sit through the "fixing." I thought I was dying! The pain was so intense that I just can't describe it. As a first time mother, I didn't realize that I had reached 10 cm. I literally thought I was dying instead.  Finally, the nursing staff listened to me, checked me, and we were all shocked that I went from a 4 to 10 in 6 ish hours. Lily's birthday was a total whirlwind, but this part was even more so! Just about all the nurses ran into my room. They were scurrying like mice to set everything up for pushing time! Yes, finally! I wasn't overly exhausted, so I was ready to push and meet my doll baby. Here we were again, waiting. Lily was born at 41 weeks and 5 days (if I already said that, sorry! I'm typing over the course of several days) and I had to push for close to an hour! Holy moly. That was interesting. I just couldn't get it right. Hahaha. Then, for the last 10 minutes or so, a nurse suggested the hand grip thingies that come out of the side of the bed..... I needed those like 50 minutes earlier! All I cared about was getting this girl out before someone said c-section. That terrified me more than an epidural. And I did. She was and is the most beautiful thing or person I've ever seen.

Liliana Grace Caver was born on January 21, 2015, 6:23pm. She weighed 10 pounds, 2 ounces, and was 23.5 inches long. 

(I can't help but laugh at Josh's expression!! Hahaha)

Can we just marvel at the anatomy of women for a second? We were truly created by an all knowing and amazing Heavenly Father. Ok, second over. The moment I laid eyes on my girl, time stood still. I couldn't believe how tiny she looked while the doctor held her. She was placed on my chest, perfect and beautiful, and the tears just wouldn't stop. I just kept saying, "Hi, Baby! Hi, Baby!" I loved her long before I saw her, but it was still so exciting to finally meet her. The 3D ultrasound was pretty dang accurate, too! I've never been more proud in my life. Like, I lugged around this tiny, gorgeous, and sweet human, They took her away quickly, which made me mad, because she quit crying after a few minutes. My Lily was just happy to meet Momma! She was fine, Josh went over to the other side of the room with her. It was so precious watching Josh with his baby girl. He seemed a little timid, which is totally understandable when you grew up with four brothers and no sisters! My husband was an awesome, hands on daddy from the start. and still is! 

So, Josh happily missed his first week of classes because baby girl decided to be born on the first day of class. :) He's actually the one who jinxed everything! One day at least a week before Lily was born, he said, "Wouldn't it be cool if the baby was born on 01/21/2015?" Cool story, right?! Haha, we have a fortune teller in the family! 

Fun!

Considering Josh's busy travel schedule (one more this weekend), huge school workloads, and being busy overall, we've had a pretty fun time lately. We had our first trick-or-treaters ever, which was one small group of five kids. Our excitement died down after no one else came to our door. :( Josh has played some seriously great games and will leave for Oklahoma on Friday to play Southern Nazarene. AND DID I MENTION IT'S THE LAST GAME OF THE SEASON?! I think you can feel my excitement. I'm just ready to have my husband back for a little while. And, the most anticipated trip of our comes next week. We get to go home!!!!! For a visit, of course, but we are so beyond thrilled.

We are currently 8 weeks and 4 days away from meeting our precious baby girl. 60 days to go! With my pregnancy being very healthy and easy, I am all cleared for travel. I am gaining a little weight now.... I knew it was coming, but still, that's never any fun. And I no longer feel the need to weigh myself at home because we are up to doctor's visits every two weeks. I absolutely do not waddle-walk yet (right, Josh??), and only have some pelvic pain going from lying-standing, or sitting-standing. I'm blessed. My sweet little angel baby has found a new toy: my ribs. I'm sure she's exciting for some novelty in there, but I sure am not a fan of this new found rib pain! As always, it's still totally indescribable feeling my own child, made up of half of my DNA and half of Josh's, moving around in my tummy- even if it is occasionally painful.

We're also celebrating two milestones in our household this month! Josh's 22nd birthday is tomorrow and we adopted Marilyn one year ago! 

I'm a gooey, gushy, lovey person by nature in regards to those I love, so I'll try not to overdo it. I'm so eternally blessed and grateful for my husband. It doesn't always work out when two 19 year olds get married, but nearly 3 years later, here we are celebrating another birthday together. We were 17 when we celebrated his first birthday together. I was so nervous to be around his family before school singing Happy Birthday, and felt like my heart was going to explode. I thought to myself, "I'm in love with this beautiful guy." And I thought I loved you then. We had only been dating only 2 months, but I knew Josh was special years before that. My respect, appreciation, and love truly continues to grow for him each day. Happy Birthday to you, my best friend.

Now onto our love-a-bull, Marilyn. She and I did not fall in love at first sight. Josh kept looking at her on the Pasadena Animal Shelter website, and eventually told me she was what he wanted for his birthday. I eventually caved, because Josh was going through an awful time in life, and I refused to be "that" wife. So, we brought home an adult "pit bull" mix with heart worms and a past. Marilyn lived on the streets of Houston for who knows how long, lost at least litter of puppies, and required a lengthy HW treatment. As you can tell, we like challenges. Marilyn lit up Josh's life and taught me a little bit about judging a book by its cover. She's not perfect, and we're still working on her behavior and manners, but we all love her! Phoenix would be so lonely without her sister.

I'm blessed with a very patient photographer and got some shots of me at 30 weeks. It was so cold and windy, but he was a trooper. I also did a photoshoot, doggy edition, on Saturday to celebrate Marilyn's 1st year as a Caver. Enjoy!

                                                         

From Flicks to Kicks

Hello, everyone! This post will be shorter than usual and picture-less. Sorry, familia. :(
Just a few updates.

Josh and I are both currently in school full-time and working hard. Both of us are doing well, and I'm maintaining straight A's... for now. Online Biology is not my bff. Josh has adjusted to the old football ways, and made a glorious tackle in last night's close game. Lost by a single, stinkin' touchdown! So close. Something told me to record that play, but of course, I didn't. Next time!

I am teaching in the primary at church, mainly 4-year-olds. This is totally new to me, and boy, is it TOUGH, but rewarding! Babysitting/hanging out with your own, young nieces and nephews does not prepare you for this calling. At least when they're "yours," you can tell on them openly and honestly. The sweet snuggles and play fighting isn't bad either. I will likely step down from this calling in January, though. Little, touchy hands and newborns do not mix. (For me.)

We are getting excited about Josh's parents visiting in 19 days. I get a little lonely sometimes, so it's always such a treat to have family visits. Though, I do anticipate several familiar faces in January!

Speaking of January, is it January yet? Josh and I would really like to meet our baby girl already. I am not overly uncomfortable, unless its bed time. Lying down and sleeping is tough for me. Just can't get comfortable. I often marvel, usually been the hours of 2 and 4 am, at the VERY active little person living in my body. She loves to party! :) I didn't feel the fluttering in my tummy as so many describe, but more like I was being flicked. (Thank you, dear little brother, for the perfect, and overused demonstration of flicking!) As of yesterday, the flicked feeling has been replaced with little kicks and punches. It's incredible and amazing and any other synonym. I didn't think I would be "that" obsessed pregnant lady, but I am. Housing a human life is not cute, exhausting, and ultimately gross, but it's so much more than that. Words can't encompass it.

So, baby girl is 25 weeks and 2 days grown. I am in total awe of her already and can't wait to hold her in my arms. I love this hilarious, strong, concerned and overprotective husband of mine. If you would have asked 17 year old me what life would be like at 22, it wouldn't have been this....

But I thank my loving and all-knowing God for giving me so, so, so much more than I ever could have imagined.

We're Halfway There!

Today marks 20/40 weeks! They (the baby) are approximately the size of a banana from head to toe. I wanted to take a picture with an actual banana, but my personal photog has been otherwise occupied with football. :) We are crossing our fingers that our precious little one will cooperate and "show the goods," just long enough to tell if it's a boy or girl! I don't really "need" to know, but Josh does. He's dying to find out. I'm just excited! So far so good with the pregnancy. Nothing new to report, all of our stats are still perfect and praying to stay that way.

Speaking of football, Joshua Caver, still #92, is excellent! He is referred to as, "The Iceberg" and "A Man Among Boys," by the coaching staff. I'd say those are good nicknames. At the beginning of Fall Camp, he came home and said, "Well, I wasn't as out of shape as I thought." Josh is a natural. Pretty much just walked right back into his old football self. He is very intelligent/learns new plays quickly, adaptable, dependable, and loves the game. He really is a gem, and I hope his coaches appreciate and utilize him properly. I am so glad he's here. I'm so glad I'm here to witness this part in his life and be supportive. After the last year we've had, mostly Josh, he deserves to be right here, living his childhood dream. I knew we would come back because as a wife, how can you watch your husband throw away his talent and something that brings him such joy just to work in a plant? I couldn't. The ship channel will still be there when we come home. But as a daughter of a plant workin' man, I hope he never has to work there again! I love my Daddy and our family would not have been so financially blessed without his hard work and sacrifice, but it's a really scary job regardless. Thank you, Dad, you're the very best.

Ok, can you tell I adore my husband and Dad? Because I sure the heck do! I am very proud of my guys!

I thought I would share a few things I've learned along my pregnancy journey, in honor of our halfway checkpoint. So, for those of your soon to be/ someday will be, and current mommies, enjoy my ensuing ridiculousness.

1. Talk to your baby. It may seem weird at first, but the baby knows you. They know your heartbeat, when you're sad, happy or scared. Sing to them! By now, my child probably knows "Love is Spoken Here," and "Defying Gravity," by heart. I can't really explain it, but build a relationship with your little one. It's amazing when the sound of your voice gets them excited and their heart rate spends up for the doctor.

2. Some women/established mothers believe their way is the best and that you should know it and apply it. My child isn't even here yet, and I've heard numerous firm "suggestions" on how we should raise them. Obviously, these people don't know me because I've researched and researched until the point where I just need to be alone, in the dark, with no technology because I've learned too much. (And listen to me when I say this, you CAN learn too much... be careful. Some things would truly be best left unknown.)
*****Side note: Some ladies/friends/family/whomever will be SO SWEET and offer kind encouragement and advice as well! Not everyone is so abrasive, I promise. :)

3. Get picture of your pregnant self. Just do it. You will want to have pictures of your tummy as its growing. I was at almost 20 weeks and my sister asked me for a bump picture. That's terrible. I'm 700 miles away and I should have done better. Family, I'm sorry. I literally have one picture of myself from week 1-19... I took it last night.

4. The whole, "I'm pregnant, so I can stuff my face as much as I want," mindset is so bad. Do not buy into this! You are not a turkey. I am not the person to ask about being thin and super-duper healthy, but I do know that I'm growing a human. I want to welcome the baby into this world as naturally and as healthily as possible. Do I tell myself that I can't eat something? (Other than sushi, deli meats, DP, etc.) No, but I do not sit there and eat a whole box of pop tarts followed up by a large fry and soda. I do treat myself, because no one wants to encounter a raging pregnant lady denying her cravings. I also drink water, eat well, rest and exercise as much as I can. Pregnancy has not been overly easy on me, but I've tried to do my personal best and my weight and at 20 weeks pregnant is 4 lbs. less than before I was pregnant. (If you're already thin, you will gain weight by this time, which is perfectly normal.)

5. Just accept the help and compliments. If your husband is a good man, he will only be helping you do things because he loves you. Not to make you feel inferior, or incapable. He will want to spend time with you, even if it's just at home. He will try to carry as many groceries as possible so you don't have to. Your husband will see you violently throw up, and much, much worse once labor gets heated up. And yes, he will love you the same, if not even more, because you're "fat." :) After thanking Josh for my new yoga ball, he responded with, "Thank you for carrying my baby." That has made the last 20 weeks so worth it.

So, here I was last night. My first and only preggo selfie from the first 20 weeks. Shout out to my awesome sister for one of my favorite maternity shirts, pictured below! Have a great weekend, y'all. Sending all my love!

P.S. I started school, all online. It's awesome. I love not being talked at, and enjoy the freedom to wear whatever I want to school. Josh's classes start Monday and we are ready to get the ball rolling. The dogs are doing well, and learning boundaries. They are becoming well-mannered family members. :)

Let Go & Let God

Well, the truth has been revealed! By now, you all know that Josh and I are going to be parents! Though, I already feel like a parent. I think Josh does too, but they say daddies become daddies once they see their in person. I don't know, but he sure cares about me & baby. I had my first gender dream last night. Contrary to popular belief, in my dream our baby was confirmed to be a GIRL by two doctors.... Josh was supposed to be a girl. Obviously, that didn't work out as planned so we'll see. I don't care either way. A healthy child is such an incredible miracle and that's all I care about. I'm almost 14 weeks and finally starting to feel less disgusting. I wasn't able to eat, do, or go much. I have lost about 5 lbs, thank you nearly lemon sized baby, but my normal jeans are definitely uncomfortable in the middle. Sigh.

Doctor Update:
I have an OB in Bolivar. It is official, and she's highly spoken of. Things are different here is Missouri. I had to see a nurse practitioner first, but since I'm a transfer patient with all of my blood work done, I didn't have to do any exams or tests. Yay! Blood pressure is excellent, along with all else. I'm doing well. We didn't have an ultrasound as expected, but we did get to hear the heartbeat. Along with a kick or punch. Mom, remember that crazy and embarrassing child you had to bribe to visit the doctor? And though you bribed, she sometimes assaulted/tried to assault the doctors and nurses? Well, I may be making you another one. :)

 There's a magical and degrading moment during pregnancy when you throw up the most delicious pizza in the area. Seriously, Breadeaux's is the bomb. Try as I might, the bathroom was just too far away. I made it to the tile and promptly threw up all over myself. The magical and degrading part is when your precious mother and husband clean it up for you, while forcing you into the shower. This may be totally repulsive to you and for that, I apologize. But in that moment, I realized that I am so far from in control. And that is totally ok. Ask anyone, I like when things go my way. Who doesn't? I am no longer the captain of my own ship. I have been downgraded to copilot of my life and body. (Maybe even less than that on some days.) You know, maybe I should have never considered myself to be the boss, however comforting it has felt to me. All along, I should have been in an equal partnership with my Heavenly Father. He knows what's coming to me. Happy, sad, in between. I didn't want to tell anyone outside of family for a long time about our baby because I was afraid to jinx it. And it would be my fault. Silly, because whatever or whomever is meant to come to us, will. Such a simple and truly comforting truth. So, now, I am trying to be "out of control," and loving it. It's difficult. I still worry and fight it sometimes, but I try to breath and move on. You know, when the teacher tells the kindergartener to take a deep breath in and blow it out? That's what I'm doing. Learning, always learning.

I've been asked this question a few times: What's it like to be pregnant and away from your family?
Answer: It's sad. My family is filled with strong and wonderful mothers. From day one, I had several moms. I was never alone. My first niece, Kayla, was born 1.5 years before me. I had my very best friend built in. We got to live together for a time, and were inseparable for many years. I'm an adult now and relationships change over time, but it is so hard to be away and eventually have to keep my child away from the arms of my family. It especially hurts to think about the latter. I do know that Josh and I are doing the best thing we can for our blossoming family. I know we should be here. I try to think of that, and that only.

Needless to say, I am looking forward to school to start. As ridiculous as this sounds, I have three more semesters until I finish my A.A. I love to learn new things and reading, but school has always been difficult for me. My mind doesn't work well inside the box. I overstress and overthink everything, which has caused a lot of error on tests and papers. Regardless, I am going to get my A.A. here in Missouri, then a bachelor's once we return home to the great state of Texas. I have no idea what I will get a bachelor's in, but I will. I'm looking forward to being a totally online student! This way, I can slow down and teach myself. Besides, driving 45 minutes to and from Springfield to the nearest campus is awful. I refuse to do it again. My poor driving skills won't allow it!

As promised, here are a some current pictures :)

These girls are THE best travel dogs. 13 hours of well-behavedness.

Our house

My first pot of Mom's caldo

Grilling and 4th of July fireworks all from our backyard!!

 

Till next time. 

I Miss My Family.

There is no sugar coating, I'm not that kind of person anyway.  I do, indeed, miss my family quite a lot. Probably more than most other married, "normal" functioning 22-year-olds do. That is my reality. Maybe it's because we are Mexican. I don't know, but I'm guessing that has something to do with it. There is always cooking, laughter, children, dancing, counseling, and some yelling even. Not the aggressive kind, usually, just the kind you grow up accustomed to if you're Hispanic. I love my heritage and I'm even going to make my mom's delish caldo de pollo (chicken soup) and ATTEMPT homemade tortillas. It's been way too long.

Anyway, back to the subject of missing my amazing family. I do and I want to talk about it. Bolivar is a quiet town. Very quiet. Too quiet for this half Mexican, noise loving girl. We have our first house and love being in it, but it's so incredibly quiet. That makes my self-diagnosed separation anxiety worse. I understand some people haven't see their families in years and some do it by choice. That's fine, we're all different. That is not me. If there was any other, better, closer option for us, I guarantee that we would be there. Bolivar for me is a huge sacrifice. It is for Josh too, definitely. But he is so much stronger than I am. Resilient, too. I know that's what has drawn me to him even before I realized that he was for me. However, my family is everything. Each family member plays a certain role that no one else can fill. I wish I could list everyone individually, because they each truly play such an important part in who I am today. So yes, I miss them- or you, depending on whose reading this.

However, I am making the best of our living situation. I love our new ward so much. The people are so friendly and unbiased. It's so nice to be apart of that again. Josh has a job at a facility called Home Court Advantage. He mainly works with preteen and teens (boys only) with autism and other difficulties that have committed various crimes. Basically a step up from juvenile detention. I can't express my shock and respect for my husband. We arrived Friday night and he started working and training this week, days later. This is a tough job mentally, emotionally and physically. But Josh always finds the good and seeks out the tiny rewarding moments. Yesterday, a couple of boys asked him to tuck them in. Kind of strange, but if you knew some of the horrors these kids have seen... all they really need right now is a little compassion. I am sure proud of the man Josh has become.

As for me, I'm moving a little slower than my hubby. I've been taking some time at home with the dogs and it's been really enjoyable. We have a big backyard and the weather is SO NICE. Almost every morning and night it is COOL and BREEZY. Notice that I didn't include humid. Ahh, my frizzy hair rejoices.

Family, if you are reading this, thank you. Every single one of you guys are the glue that keeps my crazy contained. Dad hates when my sister Sarah and I refer to ourselves as crazy. I don't think there's anything wrong with accepting that side of yourself. I know I can get crazy sometimes, but I do my best to chill. Not always possible, though. I will add pictures to my next post. I love you all and pray for your safety and well being! Till next time.